MyMindsInk

Trick Or Punch

November 7, 2007 – 12:00 am

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I was mugged on Halloween night. Generally I like to tell stories here of a more humorous and light hearted vein so I was initially unsure I would relate the event at all. I have elected to do so for a couple of reasons.

First off I’m tired of relaying the details to family and friends. When I am drunk I speak in such eloquent and sugary notes that I am often surprised that I do not see a host of creatures hanging on my every word. Telling stories when I am good and plastered is a pleasure for me, and I assume, everyone within hearing distance of my bawdy tales of intrigue and adventure. Under sober conditions however I grow tired of the sound of my own voice in fairly quick order.

Secondly, I think life inevitably deals you events that are unexpected, unpleasant, or both and I think I may have a couple of useful observations for you when it does.

The Story

A quick synopsis of the events are required since everything else precipitates from that.

Around nine p.m. on Halloween night a friend of mine and I left my house and went to the park right behind our building. Some kids were setting off fireworks and it seemed a good place for a stroll. Moments after entering the park were were approached by four young men in ski masks. As it was Halloween night this did not seem particularly unusual. One of them said something about wanting all of our stuff. It would be prudent here to mention that this group was in no way intimidating. Based on their size alone I would say that they were maybe fifteen or sixteen and even at my slight stature I outweighed them by twenty or thirty pounds. Given the circumstances we thought they were joking and basically told them to bugger off. The kid closest to me then threatened to mace us and pulled out a spray bottle. Still thinking this was a joke, but now suspecting it was a joke that would piss me off I told him “Kid if you spray me with that…” and then he did.

The effect of pepper spray is pronounced and immediate. I can attest to it’s effectiveness. By the time I got a hold of the kid with the spray bottle I realized I couldn’t see. The ensuing battle was pretty lopsided with my friend trying to put his fists into anything that would stay still, and with me trying, quite literally, to choke the air out of the the kid I had a hold of. For my part I can say I was being fairly effective in that not a drop of air was getting to those young lungs, but then it all goes dark. I next remember speaking to the cops.

I ended up pretty beat up, but neither my friend or I ended up with any permanent damage, so it all ended up pretty OK considering the possibilities. I just look like Rocky did at the end of the first movie for a couple of weeks.

The police made two arrests and found some witnesses. Both arrests were juveniles. I am not anticipating a great deal of satisfaction from the results.

The overwhelming reaction from people who know me upon hearing this story is anger. The thirst for some kind of justice is palpable. The trouble with the idea of justice is that it will never leave you satiated. Decisive justice is rare in life and even when administered I am not positive that it really bring much relief to those that wanted it.

I’ve learned

My sister asked what I have learned from the experience. I think she was mostly hoping I had picked up some good fight knowledge. If a kid shows up at your door trick or treating and their costume is lame looking you punch that kid right in the nose. Sure that five year old might not be a mugger, but seriously, a bed sheet, who does that anymore.

There are two beliefs I have regarding this event that I would like to relate.

Life is not fair. This seems a pretty simple preposition to prove. Anyone who has lost a loved one too early can verify the idea. Acceptance of this fact will bring you surprising relief. This is something we grow to understand perhaps as adults but that we may be wise to instill a little earlier in our children. The good guy sometimes loses. The bad guy often gets away. What is important about this is not adopting a defeatist attitude, but to accept this as part of life. If you carry a tally sheet through life of pluses and minuses and are only satisfied when everything balances you are destined to be disappointed. There are going to be things in your life that never even out, that never make sense, that will never seem fair. Take a deep breath. Let it go. You will feel better.

This is an exceptionally difficult thing to do. In this situation I can tell you I have it pretty easy. I was beat up, which sucks, but it is hardly the worst thing in the world. The wounds are temporary and they are mine, both of which make this an easy exercise for me. Dealing with something for the rest of your life, or watching it happen to someone you care about would be infinitely more difficult, however it does not change the ultimate wisdom of the act. Forgiveness is entirely optional, but acceptance is a requirement.

You reap what you sow. This is better than short term justice, this is the inevitability of cause and effect, and despite the fact that it may sound trite, I hold it as one of my core beliefs. When someone behaves like an asshole no giant bolt of lightening is summoned from the sky. The universe does not administer justice because, as I have pointed out, life is not fair. The truth is more subtle, and I think more powerful. The punishment for being an asshole is simple; wherever you go, there you are.

Robert Frost has his often quoted expression about the road less travelled making all the difference. Well I think you can aptly paraphrase that and say that taking the road of bad grades and worse decisions in the company of morons tends to make all the difference too. Taking a quick look at what I know about the individuals involved in my assault will illustrate my point. Rather than attend a party or any other social event on Halloween night these four scholars clearly had planned themselves a caper. They ended up impacted by their own weapon of choice, the pepper spray, violently opposed by individuals much larger than they were, some were arrested, and the net proceeds of the act was zero dollars. I don’t think I do them a grave injustice when I suppose that these four are unlikely candidates for “Most Popular” and are probably not splitting atoms in their spare time. I think it is fair to assume that a knocked up high school girlfriend, a career requiring a uniform and a name tag, manual labour, and criminal convictions are some of the litany of treasures these master minds may have in store for them.

Certainly I have visions of getting my hands around that neck again, but it is unlikely I will get that kind of justice. I have other visions though, and I think there is more certainty in them. They are of that kid with the pepper spray years from now. He sighs and his shoulders drop as he steps behind the counter at the local fast food place and pins on his brand new “Assistant Manager” badge. He’s getting the life choked out of him, but it’s happening so much slower than I would have done it.

These are the basic fundamentals of cause and effect and they are unavoidable on a grand scale. If you are a fool you will find yourself surrounded by them. If you are spiteful and mean it is all you will experience in other people. All these little acts add up and eventually become your life. The things you cast out into the world eventually bear fruit, which is great news for some, and not so for others.

Men are not punished for their sins, but by them. - Elbert G Hubbard

Pain is certain, suffering is optional. - Buddha