Kids Rock
January 9, 2008 – 4:27 pmIf you like what you read you can be notified of new posts by subscribing to my RSS feed. It would also be great if you click on the rating stars to help others find the good stuff. Thanks for visiting!
Introduction
My sister Kristeen was having a discussion with some of her friends revolving around whether or not these friends should decide to have kids or not. She thought she might be able to help them out by presenting an argument in favour, which is presented here. In order to be balanced she asked me to write an argument against.
Kids Rock - by Kristeen Gordon
A friend of mine once asked me if I “listen to all that annoying kid music” when I’m in my van with my kids. I didn’t give my friend an answer, because I knew he wouldn’t understand until the day he had his own children. Having children changes everything. I have two children, so I have lived both possibilities: life with children and life without them. In my opinion, the changes you will encounter will be (when it’s all averaged out) positive. I will not attempt to convince you in this paper that having children is always wonderful or easy. I intend to convince you of only one thing; it’s worth it.
The biggest change that comes with becoming a parent is – and this should not surprise you – you will have a whole new person in your life. An entirely new person to love. The most important thing about this aspect is that the love you will feel for your baby will outweigh any other argument you come across. This love will affect every change you encounter. All of the seemingly negative changes will suddenly have a positive spin to them because they have an indescribable new emotion attached. This is the part of parenthood that it is ridiculous to even attempt to explain, so I won’t. Just trust me when I say that the rest of my arguments for embracing the change of parenthood pale in comparison to this one. And keep in mind that when you think of having a baby, it will not just be any baby, it will be your baby, which is a very important distinction. I remember when my sister would get me to look at her sleeping children; she would gush over how sweet they looked, and while I thought they were very cute and I also loved them, I didn’t know how she felt until I first looked down at my own baby in his crib.
Another thing that will change over time is you. Having a child will make you a better person. You will need to become patient in order to handle things the way you want to handle them. You will become less selfish because suddenly someone depends on you thinking about them first. Imagine thinking about someone else before yourself in every aspect of your life. You will also become educated on things you thought you knew a great deal about, like who you are as a person, human nature and the true meaning of unconditional love. You will learn to choose how you respond to situations that are beyond your control, and that if you choose correctly, parenting will be fun and exciting. I once came out of my bedroom to find my son had drawn a mural with what turned out to be not-so-washable marker. Once I finished laughing, I took a lot of pictures.
Having a child also changes the way you experience life. This can be one of the best parts of becoming a parent, because you get to experience things that you wouldn’t normally. You will meet people that otherwise would never cross your path and you will find yourself at places and events that you never thought you’d see. My sister and her husband spend many summer days watching their kids race around a BMX track – something they never dreamed they’d be doing – and loving every minute of it. You also get to re-experience things that you did as a child. Some of your favorite memories can be relived through your children and family traditions that you enjoyed can be seen again through an adults eyes. You can watch your child play the sports or take part in the events that you loved when you were growing up. You will get to experience things through your kids, too. When they enjoy something, you enjoy watching them enjoy it. And all of the things that you love to do now can still be done through the miracle of babysitters. Having children changes how you experience life, but the rewards are unexpected and endless. You may think that you will miss out on things if you have children, but you have no idea the things that you will miss if you don’t have them.
Your relationship with your spouse will change when you have children. I think this is a scary prospect to some people, but I believe that a strong relationship is only made stronger by having children. Your baby will be a combination of you and the person you love, no matter how it comes into the world. For me one of the most exciting aspects of parenting was watching the man I love hold our baby for the first time. You will get to see your spouse in a whole new role, and your respect and admiration for them will multiply. You also get to work with your spouse as a team on the most important project in both of your lives! You will collaborate and you will have someone else to share in the joys of being a parent. And your spouse will probably be the only person who will fully understand how you feel about your child.
So what about the possibility of negative change? It’s my opinion that life is mostly what you decide it will be. When you decide to become a parent you must decide to see it for what it is. It is not easy. In fact, it is the hardest job in the world if you want to do it well. A lot of things that are difficult are worth the effort, and parenting is one of those things. Change is scary, but you can’t get what you don’t have without changing. Maybe you are worried about the kind of world that you are bringing a child into. You might be surprised to find how many young people are out there making the world a better place, and the number of websites devoted to kids helping people. You might be concerned that when your kids grow up, they will not give back in the way you want them to – they won’t call you or visit on the holidays. I have learned from my own mother that you get from your children what you give, and that if you want a relationship with your adult children, you will be able to earn it. What if your child is a problem child? Children aren’t perfect, and chances are you will be worried about yours often, but many families come out of tough circumstances stronger than they went into them. You probably have a host of other concerns and worries about the potential changes associated with parenthood, too. I can’t alleviate all of those worries, but I can tell you that I still believe it’s worth the leap. Change is scary, but great things can result.
I haven’t asked my friend if, now that he has a son of his own, he listens to annoying kid music, but I’m confident after seeing him look at his baby that if the day ever comes that his little boy looks up at him and asks, he’ll be able to listen to whatever he wants. Choosing to become a parent means choosing to embrace a major life change, and many people are not up to the challenge, or are not prepared for it. The reality is that when I became a parent I did not fall instantly in love with my children like some people do. I have had days when I have questioned my decision to become a parent. I have had days that I thought would never end. It speaks to the power of the experience that even after all of that, I believe that becoming a parent was the greatest decision I ever made. My life has changed. I have two wonderful people in my life that I love beyond comprehension. I am a kinder, gentler person (though I still have a long way to go). I get to experience the crazy, unexpected, and usually hilarious things my children do and say on a daily basis. I have a stronger relationship with my husband than I ever thought possible, and despite the curveballs that have been thrown our way, I wouldn’t change a thing. Don’t become a parent if you don’t feel that it’s right for you, but if you embrace the decision to have a child, then embrace the change as well. I have lived both realities and I believe that life with children is better than life without them.
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